ITALIAN CHEERS

Salude/To drinking in public/To complex flavors/To spontaneous trips to Europe/To Beth getting her garlic cheese chips/To fondue/To the homeland/

==

On Lauren’s handkerchief-less method

Mrs. B: I don’t care for those snot rockets myself.

==

More Shining American Moments

American man: … and he was making out with two dogs.

==

The Damn Euro

Lauren: We are currently drinking our daily budget in many of the countries we’ve been to.

==

Too Much Italian Food

Mrs. B: Maybe I can go online and order Nutra-system so it will be there when I get home.

**

Lauren: Should we get gelato?
Kerry: Let’s save ourselves for after dinner.
Mrs. B: We don’t save ourselves. We eat.

==

When the Moon Hits Your Eye…

Lauren: Everywhere I look I see sperm donors.

==

OCD Issues

Mrs. B: I had the worse nightmare last night: I was driving to NYC and I lost my directions.

==

Heredity Issues

Mrs. B (Regarding our budget): As OCD I can be about organizing, you’re way out of my league.

==

14 Euros to see the Vatican?!?

Mrs. B: The church is rich enough. He should pay us to come.

==

The News At The American Embassy

Larry King: Has there long been a cleavage between your sister-in-law (Anna Nicole Smith’s mother) and Howard K. Stern?

==

The Scene at the Apartment

Mrs. B (regarding our antibiotics): Look at all these pills! It looks like Anna Nicole’s apartment.

==

It was a Best Western

Beth: I don’t understand why they provide you with an intimate cleanser but no shampoo or conditioner. Maybe I have different priorities than the Italians.

==

A Mother’s Wisdom

Mrs. B: Why don’t you get a new bra? Yours are horrible. They’re like hammocks. Boob hammocks.

==

More Shining American Moments

American Woman #1: She doesn’t have that problem because she doesn’t serve milk.
American Woman #2: She doesn’t use milk? What does she use?
American Woman #1: Skim milk.
American Woman #2: That’s still milk.

Beth (under her breath): I think we need to have an IQ test before you can get your passport, so that we know we’re only exporting people with at least average intelligence.

**

American Man: You know something interesting? McCain. He’s a P.O.W. Isn’t that interesting?
American Woman: Wow, that’s great. I mean, it’s not great. It’s a great story.

Beth (under her breath): Just shoot me in the head. Shoot me in the head. I don’t want to go back.

==

The Hotel Said “Near” City Center

Lauren: Where are we?
Beth: We’re not on the map. That’s where we are.

==

I think that still counts

Lauren: I guess that was an ugly American moment, but I was only saying it to you!

==

Wino

Beth: Look at the wine prices, 4 Euros for a Chianti. Do you think we could drink in public? We could buy some bread and cheese.
Lauren: I doubt, plus it would be too cold tonight.
Beth: No, I meant for lunch.

**

Later that Night

Beth: Suddenly, it’s not so cold out here.

**

European History With Wine

Lauren: There were a lot of alliances and um, what’s the opposite of alliances, you know, everyone was fighting.

==

Out of Africa

Lauren: Will you go buy some water so I can take this Advil?
Beth: This is Rome. You can drink the water.
Lauren: Are you absolutely positively 100 percent sure you can drink the water here?
Beth: Yes.

**

Lauren: Look at all the white people!

==

EGYPTIAN TOASTS

To Cosmopolitan in Africa/To dining on the Nile/To Qatar Airways/To splurges at four-star hotels/To screwing four-star hotels

==

Just Wondering

Beth: Is human flesh considered red meat, or is it like pork?
Lauren: I don’t know if its been categorized.

==

More Shining American Moments

Lauren: Where are you from?
White Boy with thick American accent: Kenya, actually.
Beth: Okay, but where are you originally from…in the States?
White Boy: I grew up in Wisconsin. I go to school in Michigan.
Lauren: Huh. So how long have you lived in Kenya?
White Boy: Well, about 8 months.

==

Highlights from the Sound and Light Show at Karnak Temple

Announcer: My right eye is the day; my left eye is the night and the waters of the Nile spurt from my sandals.

Announcer: Imagination fails, falls lifeless at the feet of these 144 Karnak columns.

Announcer: Faith lingers here, like a myriad of trees. And each pharaoh has written his name on a leaf.

Announcer: Thebes is the greatest word in any language.

Announcer: A thousands trumpet the name of Thebes and echo thy beauty.

Announcer: The pharaoh was like a tree who plunged his roots in Karnak. His soul tried to draw in its sap.

Announcer: The sulking of the heron, the lying on the crocodile, the training of a choir boy. These are all parts of the machinery of Karnak.

Announcer: Caesar held a closed fist all over the Mediterranean. And he opened it only to give a last caress to the land of Egypt.

==

Maybe it’s Catching

Rough Guide: The corniche has a superb vista of Elephantine Island, with feluccas gliding over the water, like quill pens across papyrus.

==

Travel Advice

Beth: See, you can’t wait until you’re old to do this. It’s too hard.
Lauren: You should trek the world when you’re young…
Beth: …and cruise the world when you’re old.

==

Gems from the Egyptian Museum

Yes, and in that order

Sign: On the walls [of the tomb] are representations and lists of the things which the dead man would be likely to need: bread, beer, poultry, meat, etc.

**

It’s not what you think

Sign: The center block depicts the Prince of Punt and his wife, the latter obviously suffering from elephantitis. On the left is the princess’s ass, above which is inscribed, ‘The ass which carries his wife.’

**

Is there an English speaker in the house?

Sign in English: The scene depicts workers being employed.
Below, in French (translation): The scene depicts workers doing their jobs.

==

Why They Love Us Here

Egyptian Storeowner #1: Americans, they are good shoppers. Canadians, they buy nothing.

**

Egyptian Storeowner #2: You spend your money here.

==

We Need a Higher SPF

African: You look like J-Lo.

Several Egyptians: You Spanish? Espanol?

Another Egyptian: You Japanese?

Yet another Egyptian: You look like an Egyptian, you walk like an Egyptian…

And another: You look very pretty, like a new penny.

==

UGANDAN TOASTS

Cheers to our African Adventures/To Bell Beer/To Mexican in Africa/To Lake Bunyonyi/To the box/To the cabin

==

Profiling

Oren (Israel): You’re British. You like beer.

==

Import/Export

Dallas: When I was in Ethiopia, for like, 2 dollars, you could get a big shopping bag of weed, like 2 pounds.
Lauren: Two dollars?!? Are you serious? Can you imagine how much money you could… No, this is not a new concept.

==

Non Sequitur

Dallas: So the rainy season begins now?
Taxi driver: Yeah, I’ve got to pick up some pineapples.

==

Wrong Answer

Taxi: I’ll take you.
Lauren: No, we have someone picking us up.
Taxi: It’s me.
Beth: Who sent you.
Taxi: Me. I sent myself.

==

Spoken Just Like The… State Department

Dallas: I started reading the Koran and it’s pretty heave handed. It’s not, you know, very chill.

==

E-Harmony in Ethiopia

Dallas: It’s not like I have many savory intercourse options here.

==

Lost in Translation

Ugandan sign: Why Buy Costly Indifferent Imported Rice When You Can Have Home Grown Tasty Rice…

==

More African Pickup Lines

African #1: You are just so beautiful; I can’t stop looking at you.

**

African #2: I’ll take this one; she’s just my size.

**

African #3: Are you married or are you a young girl?

==

Exactly What Kind of Lesbian Thing?

Dallas: Wait, what’s you last name?
Beth: George.
Dallas: Oh, I thought that was something Lauren called you… some lesbian thing.

==

Lariam Junkies

Lauren: I don’t understand why junkies aren’t all over the Lariam.
Dallas: Yeah, it’s kind of like heroine.
Beth: Without any of the nice side effects.

==

Girardia, Dysentery, Hook Worm

Dallas (on the way to the Congo): See you guys actually avoid diseases while I actively pursue them.

==

More Shining American Moments

Beth: There’s a yellow flower over there and it’s, like, really yellow.

==

Yes, We Drank It

Dallas: Look at this Konyagi. It looks like lamp oil

==

Conversations with Gad (pronounced ‘God’)

Unnamed traveler: I felt weird about asking God for weed.

**

Lauren: Did you talk to God about watching a movie tonight?

**

Lauren: Go ask God.
Beth: That’s not God.
Lauren: Who is it?
Beth: That’s God’s little helper.

**

Beth: Is God around?
God’s little helper: Who?
Beth: God.
God’s little helper: God has not left. Do you need to speak with him now?
Beth: No, but when God’s available, let me know.

==

Desperately Seeking Civilization

Beth: We can probably put them in a washing machine… if we ever find one.

==

City Girl

Lauren: I hate sleeping in complete darkness. It doesn’t feel natural.

==

No, You Shouldn’t

Dallas: You should start an NGO, Pot for Tots, LLC.

==

Positive Reinforcement

Beth: Are you filming that? Are you stupid?

==

International Women’s Day is March 8

Dallas (U.S.A.): The only time I’ve hit a woman is definitely by accident.

**

Dallas: Anyway, as I was saying, the only one I’ve hit was my high school girlfriend. Which was the one who probably actually deserved it.

**

Dallas: I don’t like shitting where women are going to be.

==

More Shining American Moments

American girl: In basketball you can’t jump.
American boy: Uh, yes you can.
American girl: Well, in women’s basketball you can’t jump.

==

I Heart U.S.A.

Lauren: The Americans left this morning, thank god.
Dallas: I know, they were inarticulate and illiterate.

==

TANZANIAN TOASTS: To new friends/To a successful traveling day/To Amarula/To March/To Konyagi/To Mr. Jones/To Mr. Barker/To Roulette/To Booking our Safari/Maisha Maref (Long Life in Swahili)/Prost (German)/To Genies/To Dar/To Zanzibar/To Chef’s Pride

==

Shrimp Craving

Marjona: I thought they were going to say they didn’t have prawns and I was going to say, ‘uh ‘uh, you’re going to go to the sea and get them.’

==

Maybe they changed the name for Africa?

Mukada: I love that show, Pimp My Car.
Marjona: Uh, that’s Pimp my Ride.

==

Ah, The Website

Beth: I’m buried in formatting hell.

==

And We Thought Konyagi Was Bad

Marjona: That tastes like shit. No wonder it only costs a bottle for a dollar. I mean…

==

Resume Credentials: The Truth Comes Out

Marjona: I can lie. I’m an organizer.

==

Islamic Rules for Investment

Frank (Germany): Guns is okay. Anything that kills people is okay. Casinos, no. Alcohol, no. McDonalds, no, because they sell pork. But guns is okay.

==

Is there no P.C. in Germany?

Mukada (Tanzania): Konyagi is very good.
Frank (Germany): Never trust a Muslim talking about alcohol.

==

I mean, really, is there no P.C. in Germany?!?

Beth: In Egypt, the security screening seemed to go off at random. I could walk through with my sunglasses on and a laptop in my backpack and no one would stop me.
Frank (Germany): Well, white people don’t blow themselves up.

==

America’s Cultural Exports

Latifa (Tanzania/Germany): I want bling bling on my phone. I buy it, send it to America, get the bling bling, they send it back. Like Paris Hilton. She’s crazy. But I like her. I like her. She’s my favorite.

==

Thanks for the Geography Lesson

Austrian: In Alaska, which is part of America…

==

Weighing Our Options

Beth: One of two things is going to happen. No, one thing is going to happen…

==

Tanzanian Beach Bum

Omar (Tanzania): Me? When I go to the beach, I’m staying until the last shilling.

==

Tanzanian Politics

Mukada: You have to be lying in the campaign. That is honest.

==

Tanzanian Bureaucracy

Mukada: I had to give her corruption.
Marjona: Don’t say corruption, at least call it a bribe.

==

It Iss Finish

Waiter: Do you have a lighter? This one is sleeping.

==

A Touch of Home: Americans Invade Zanzibar

American Girl #1: I am, like, totally, like attached to this towel. It is, like, my security blanket.

**

American Girl #2: Are we moving, like, totally?

**

American Girl #3: I was in a sorority for four years. The one thing I know is fake tits.

**

Brunette American: Did you see that I put my shit in that chair, Marissa?
Marisa: Yah, dude, but you were in the water.
Brunette: Okay, but I’m, like, here now.

==

Warning: Hypochondriacs Should Not Read “A Comprehensive Guide To Wilderness and Travel Medicine”

Medical guide: Get to a medical facility as soon as possible if you experience any of the following:
1) The headache is the worst of your life and came on suddenly (aneurysm or intracranial bleeding)
2) You are unable to talk or express yourself clearly (stroke)
3) You have a fever, a stiff neck, or any rash (meningitis)
4) Your headache grows steadily over time (brain tumor)

==

Tanzanian Pick Up Lines, Part II

Lauren: I have a boyfriend.
African: Can I be your boyfriend in Zanzibar?
Lauren: Actually, we’re engaged.
African: But things are different when you’re in Africa. It’s ok.

Another African: Hakuna matata, let’s go.

Pablo text message: I have an advanced diploma in kissing. A degree in carring [sic]. A masters in loving. Do you have a job for me due to my qualifications above?

==

Beth Sings Like a Yankee

Steve (Canada): Are you shy? Or can you just not sing with your new accent?

==

Lost in Translation, Again

Water Bottle: An excellent product that money can buy.

==

Decisions, Decisions…

Lauren’s Mom: So are you permanently moving to Chiang Mai or Zanzibar?

==

Recipe for Success

Nelson (Tanzania): You can do it! All you need is ganja tea and coco leaves and you will make it to the top of Mt. Kiliminjaro.

==

The Belgian

Belgian: Is a zebra a donkey or a horse?
Pablo: A horse is a horse. A donkey is a donkey. A zebra is a zebra.

==

Okay, Sure

Marjona: I didn’t hurt myself, it just hurt.

==

The Elephant was Happy to See Us

Lauren: It’s like a third leg.
Beth: You mean a fifth leg?

==

Timewarp

Lauren: Do you want your walkman? Uh, discman? I mean your iPod?

==

Supersized Africa

Lauren: You know what they need here is bats, to come and swoop down and eat all the bugs.
Beth: Yeah, but I don’t want to know what size bats come in Africa.

==

Here Come the Touts

Beth: They have eggs this time. Uh oh, they just saw my white face. We should have tanned more in Zanzibar.

==

Swahili Putting A Strain on Beth’s English

Beth: I’m salivating a lot because I just moisturized myself. I mean, I just drank a lot of water.

==

Glad We Were Warned

Sign in Econolodge: Women with Immoral Turpitude Are Not Allowed On Hotel Premises.

==
Tanzanian Pickup Lines

Guy in bar: Come over here with my friends. Come join us. We’re gossiping about people.

==

Thank Jesus for Muslims

Lauren: The nice thing about going out with Muslims is that everyone is a designated driver.

==

Re: An Irish Pub

Saif (Tanzania): It was a really nice club, until the Irish took it.

==

Fizzy Fascism

Beth: Coke also owns that.
Kerri (Australia): What doesn’t Coke own?
Dave: (Australia): Pepsi.

==

Shower Lust

Olivia: You’re going to get back in August and spend six weeks in the bathroom.

==

A Haiku

Sam (Australia): I never used to Like it.
But then I started
Liking it. BeerLao.

==

FU!

Kerri (Australia): I was cursing a lot at home, and when I started traveling I tried to cut it out. Then I met you guys and you’ve gone and f*%#ed it all up.

==

Armed with Heinz

Beth: I think we could achieve world peace by our mutual enjoyment of french fries.

==

Rhett Butler’s Folly

Sam (Australia) and Beth: A way to a woman’s heart is through her liver.

==

What’s for Dinner?

Waiter: Everything we do not have.

==

Australianisms…. Can you crack the code?

He hasn’t gotten a shot off in a while.
She’s up on blocks.
Gotta go shake your lettuce leaf.

==

Dirty Laundry

Lauren: How are your cramps?
Beth: I can’t smell them, so that’s good.
Lauren: Excuse me?
Beth: Wait, did you just ask about my pants?

==

Into Thin Water

Beth: If this boat ride doesn’t end soon, I’m going to start killing other passengers and eating them.

==

Too Much Solitaire

Sam (Australia): Excuse me… Would you mind shuffling our cards for us?
Lauren: Um. Why?
Sam: Because we suck at it. We keep dealing the same hands… and you look like you know what you’re doing.
Kerri (Australia): Ya, do you work in a casino or something?

==

Lauren Discovers Solitaire

Lauren: I wonder who made up this game…
Marjona: Some lonely, lonely person.

==

Call Child Services

Marjona: I don’t know how PC it is, but kids understand pain. If they do something wrong they feel pain. Then they’ll know that if they do it again, they’ll feel pain.

==

KENYAN TOASTS

To home cooking/To chance meetings/To a critter free day/To no more monkeys/To escaping the whore house/To Tusker/To masala fries/Cheers

==

More Fun with the Matatus

Lauren: You suck.
Matatu Driver: I am not suck.

==

We Ain’t Payin’

Matatu Driver: I don’t think I’ve ever seen Americans the likes of you!
Marjona: Well, we’re not American, we’re Canadian.
Driver: I’ve never seen Canadians the likes of you.
Marjona: Well you have now!!

==

Payless Prophesies

Lauren: After dating Christians, and women, and whoever else, she ended up with the Jewish doctor.
Olivia: You knew that was going to happen. She wore pointy shoes, so eventually she was going to conform.

==

Re: “Free Kuwait” Tshirt

Beth: I didn’t realize Kuwait was trapped.

==

Homecookin’

Beth: I might marry you for your pasta

==

“Queen Latifa” Tires

Marjona: I’m sick of being so popular

==

INDIA TOASTS:

Cheers/To beer in teapots/To masala tea/To Chai Teachers/To avoiding Indian food in India/To Harvard/To antifreeze/Mot tram phum tram

==

Travel Fatigue

Beth: You know you’ve had enough when you’re looking forward to airplane food and airplane toilets.

==

Going to Hell

Beth: Although I heard that in real life Mother Theresa was a real bitch…

==

Negative Ghostrider

Pintu: Your last name is George? Are you in the same caste as George Bush?

==

Indian Proverb

Ashkran: If you do not travel, you see nothing. (He also has the dubious honor of the “do you not like Indians?” quote)

==

American Proverb

Lauren: Whoever says money can’t buy happiness doesn’t know how to spend their money. It’s not about accumulating items, it’s about accumulating vacation time.

==

Excel Junkies

Kalpana: I categorize all my expenses once I get back from traveling.
Trac: Do you use it later to help with future travels and things?
Kalpana. No. It’s just for sheer accounting joy.

==

Deep Thoughts

Lauren: If you blow bubbles out of your nose, the water can’t get in.

==

Setting It Straight

Lauren: Cornell has the highest suicide rate.
Trac: Actually, I think that’s more lore than truth. It’s just when people commit suicide at Cornell it’s more spectacular because of the gorges.

==

28 Going on 15

Beth: There are studies to back this up, that you’re actually in your adolescence until you’re 29, so see, you’re still an adolescent… Very much so.

==

28 Going on Cranky

Beth: You should be happy, it’s your birthday.

Lauren: I’m not happy.  I’m old!

==

Travelers’ Stomach

Lauren: Should we put that quote on the wepage?

Beth: No! Have you no discretion?!

==

Fad or No Fad

Kalpana: The crazy foot doctor said I should wear Crocs and I said, you’re a quack and I’m not going to Croc-it.

==

Spoiled

Lauren: What am I? Your pillow?

Beth: Yes, but that walks, and sometimes carries my bag.

==

THAILAND CHEERS

To pumpkin pie/To Thanksgiving/To not taking the LSAT/To the most phenomenal Indian food outside of India/To scarves\ cheaper than beer/To George W., the most magnificently f***ed-up leader in the last couple hundred years of Western Civilization/To hundred-dollar lube/To new friendships/To fundamentalists Christians quitting my school today/Cheers to my friend Lauren being a total b****/To Noi (Austrailian for ‘no’)/To elephants/To BeerLao/To five-hundred dollar tuk-tuk rides/To tuk-tuk scams/Sante/Cheers/Up your bumsky/Salud/Up your Sam Songsky/To your gay boyfriend/To Bangkok/To Sam Song/To not knowing what to toast to in 2007/To 2008/To 2007/To Americans leaving the country/To happy and healthy 2007/To losing my BeerLao virginity/To being out on school nights/To Bombay Sapphire Shooters/

==

Well, Butter My Butt and Call Me a Biscuit

Beth: I need to get me one of those… What?  Was that Southern?

==

Too Many Drinks

Bronwyn: I hope the kids are hungover too.

Lauren: Wait, how old are they?

Bronwyn: Seven or eight.  You never know.

==

A New Definition

[Unnamed lesbian]: Liberation is orgasms without the possibility of pregnancy.

==

No, It’s Not

Beth: Where did you go to college?

Dale: It’s a small school… It’s like the NYU of southern Vermont.

==

Too Much Sam Song

Abby: Where the f*** took you guys so long?

==

A Democracy… in the 1700’s

Bangkok Post Headline: Bush Says Execution Is An Important Milestone on Iraq’s Becoming a Democracy

==

Law School Interview

Interviewer: So what do you hope to gain from traveling around the world?

Beth: Um…

==

Lost In Translation

Thai Guy’s T-Shirt: Sorry Girls, I’m Gay

==

Lost In Translation #2

Japanese Airline Stewardess: Goodbye! Thank you for your money!

==

Why We Almost Missed Our Plane

Lauren: I like this sake stuff.

==

Time to Change Banks

Washington Mutual Customer Service Agent: Well, a checking account is for spending money and a savings account is for saving money.

==

Christmas Mass?

Kerry: I think we already did our duty. We went to a Jesus store.  And I live by a church, so I have holiness wafting in my window.

==

Too Many Mai-Tais

Mrs. Barker: What’s a name for a rodent with three letters that starts with an ‘r’?

Lauren: Mouse?

==

I’m Rich, B****!

Timeshare Sales Guy: Have you ever stayed in a Holiday Inn?

Beth: Sure.

Sales Guy: Would you stay there for a week?

Beth: Uh… no…

Sales Guy: Good, cause if you said yes, we wouldn’t have anything more to talk about.

==

Otherwise Known as Granchildren

Timeshare Sales Guy: This is not for your children.  It’s for your children’s children.

==

Back in America

Entertainment Tonight host: Why do you think people are obsessed with [Britney Spears]?

Expert: Because people are.

==

Together Again

Lauren: Oh, I was looking around for your blackberry.

==

The Small T-shirt Was Too Big

Beth: What’s wrong with Asian people.  I’m Asian-sized!

==

Checkmate

Old guy in a bar: He can play by himself.  At least he’s going to win.  On the otherhand, he’s going to lose.

==

Please Let The Immodium Kick In

Luke (on a 14-hour bus ride): If I start sh***ing myself in my sleep, wake me up.

==

Ex-Boyfriends

Lauren: Achoo!

Luke: You must be allergic to me.  Most women are.  At worst, they become lesbian.

==

Maybe Not

Luke: Maybe I should get into legal law.

==

He was talking about the accent

[Name withheld]: There’s a fine line between being Southern and being retarded.

==

Now I know I’m Home

SC Newspaper Front-Page Headline: Hog Hunter Shoots Self, Misses Hog

==

Parental Prevenge

Bronwyn (Australia): Her name is Arica, with an A.

Lauren: Why do parents do that?

Bronwyn: Because they know their kids are going to grow up and hate them anyway, so they thought they’d get first. 

==

Case in Point

Luke: When my dad does it, it’s cute. But when my MOM steals my cookies, she’s a ****ing bitch!

==

Travelers’ Physical Therapy

Molly (UK): Back injuries are hard to heal. Expecially with boat riding, mountain bikes, and elephant riding…

==

Luke, The Fascist

Luke: What is UP with you and equity?

==

National Geographic Documentary: Choice Comments

One elephant is a handful, but two elephants is 10 handfuls.
The view was straight ouf of a Thai legend. Except for the blond with the camera.
==

Night Market Shopaholics

Lauren: What is wrong with me? Am I an impulse shopper? Seriously, they put people in counseling for less than this.

==

Agoraphobia

Abby: So you don’t like people touching you?

Lauren:Well, strangers mostly.

==

Thai Way or No Way

Lauren: I’ll have a Fanta, please.

Waitress: French fries?

Lauren: No, Fanta

Waitress: Fried rice?

Lauren: No (pointing in menu), Fanta

Waitress: Oh! FanTA!

==

Gailic for Short

Irish guy: Have you seen my friend? A really short guy with a rat tail?

Emily (US): How short?

Irish guy: Like a leprachaun.

Emily: If he were a leprachaun, we would have captured him.

==

Kama Sutra

Paul (Canada): I tried every trick in the book, and I still couldn’t get…

Emily (US): And he actually had a book.

==

Waita Sutra

Bronwyn (Australia): I love being on standby. It’s my favorite position.

==

Webster’s Update

Caroline (US): He is ridonculous.

Lauren: Did you make that up?

Caroline: If by “made up” you mean me and my roomates came up with it in college, then…”

==

Who’s To Do List?

Abby: Ok, this is what I want to do today: Watch you eat, get your haircut….

==

TOASTS OF VIETNAM:

Cheers/To Bia Hoi/Mot, Hai, Ba JYO!!

==

Which is it?!?!?

Molly (UK, vegetarian): Is this chicken?   Chef: Yes

Molly: Wait, is this seafood?  Chef: Yes

Molly: Is this vegetarian?  Chef: Yes

==

Uh, Suitcase?

Josef (Belgium): I could just empty my bag if I didn’t need all this stuff and send it all home in a coffin. Is that the right word?

==

More Morbid Belgians

Sven (Belgium): The water puppets were really good. Especially the torture story. I mean, the turtle story.

==

We Stop Here, You Buy Pretty Things

Molly (UK): They always stop the coach just when I’m starting to ignore the journey.

==

D = CH

Luan (Vietnam, Halong Bay Tour Guide): He hatched 3 children.

re: Famous Vietnamese Political Leader

==

Getting Directions at 6am

Molly (UK): You can always trust the Germans to be efficient.

==

Rules of Ba Ba Ba (333 Beer)

Dan (Australia): Eating is cheating, so none of that.

==

Vietnamese Cell Phones

Jeff (US): Why don’t I have more Dong on my phone!

==

Time for Bed

Lauren: That was a perfect end to the evening.

re: breakfast

==

The Teetotaler and the Drunk

Lauren: I can’t have another, my tolerance is lowered. I’ve been on a drinking sabbatical.

Brad (Australia): Well, I’ll have another. I’ve been on a drinking SAFARI!

==

TOASTS OF CAMBODIA:

To early evening happy hours/To 1979/To 2 weeks, 3 countries, and uncountable beers/Cheers/To Us

==

Assault by tuk-tuk

Tuk-Tuk Driver:  You want tuk-tuk? You want tuk-tuk?

Abby: No, i’m trying to get to my friends, they’re waiting for me over there.

Tuk-Tuk Driver: If you don’t have friends, and if you’re lying, would you like me to take you somewhere?

==

Too many hours of Angkor

Abby: I think I was at my wit’s end about 2 hours ago.

==

Way too many hours of Angkor

Lauren: As of now, I am actively bored.

==

Too lazy to eat

Abby: Man, can we just get room service? Does that even exist?

==

TOASTS OF LAOS

To mistakes turning out for the better / To drastic changes in appearance / To Kip / To Lao Lao / To pretty pink drinks / To liquid pop rocks / To excessive purchases, including this drink / To free beer / To Vientienne

==

The Hudson of Asia

Abby: I don’t mind not eating Mekong Fish. It’s probably fishy.

==

Shopping spree

Lauren: We shouldn’t descend into the depths of trinkets or we’ll never get out of here.

==

Dengue Fever

Lauren: I hate dropping my legs under tables into dark places where mosquitos are just waiting for warm flesh.

==

Appetizers

Abby: Wait, are we eating here, or just getting a drink?

Lauren: We should probably nibble on something small. Oooo! Look! Water buffalo burger!

==

Behind the times

Lauren: This won’t WORK! Who the hell uses keys like this anyway? These are from like the 1800’s.

==

After 13 hours of travel

Lauren: First I want to be enclosed by 4 walls…

==

Not in Kansas anymore

Abby: Look! He’s riding his cow! Hmm. Phrases you’d never hear in the States…

==

Traveling diet not kicking in

Lauren: I don’t even need a belt. Who am I kidding.

==

Rx’s

Abby: Wow, this is really working! Maybe there’s a reason why not to take expired medication.

==

7 Hour Bus Rides

Lauren: Is this story taking too long?

Abby: Yes, can you hurry it up so I can sit here for the next 6 hours in silence?

==

We’re Disasters

Lauren: Ow, you hit my scrape with your polio crutches!

Lauren: Ow, I hit my stitches on your cast!

Lauren: Don’t pee on the cast!

==

Regarding War and Peace

Beth: It actually is a really good story… a page turner.

==

Why are they called coconuts, then?

Beth: What kind of nuts are on that tree?

Lauren: Coconuts, what other sorts of nuts do you think grow on palm trees?

Beth: I don’t know, I wasn’t sure if there were coconut trees or something.

==

Still in the closet

Lauren: Another positive thing about going home is PDA. Oh wait, we’re going to SC. Nevermind.

==

Time warp

Beth: You know how when you fly from New York to LA you gain hours?  Well, we just gained a bunch of hours.

(Beth was totally wrong.  We actually lost an entire day.)

Beth: It will take longer to fly to LA than Atlanta cause you’ll be flying against the Earth’s rotation.

(Wrong, again.)

==

Did we mention Lauren plays basketball?

Beth: The great thing about Asia is that you’re so much taller than everyone, I can keep up with you.

==

Dr. Evil in Bangkok

Lauren: One million Baht.

(This gets repeated on a daily basis.)

==

Favorite Thai Ads

Every hour in Thailand is happy hour.

Factory for rent.

==

Blackberry

Beth: Where’s my blackberry?

(90 seconds after FedExing it back to Fenton)

==

The LA Experience

Girl in Target: Sunglasses shopping is like harder than jeans shopping and lingerie shopping, combined.

==

September 2, 2006

Beth: I’m not mentally prepared for this.

Lauren: Are we sure we want to go?