More Shining American Moments

Lauren: Where are you from?
White Boy with thick American accent: Kenya, actually.
Beth: Okay, but where are you originally from…in the States?
White Boy: I grew up in Wisconsin. I go to school in Michigan.
Lauren: Huh. So how long have you lived in Kenya?
White Boy: Well, about 8 months.

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Just Wondering

Beth: Is human flesh considered red meat, or is it like pork?
Lauren: I don’t know if its been categorized.

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Highlights from the Sound and Light Show at Karnak Temple

Announcer: My right eye is the day; my left eye is the night and the waters of the Nile spurt from my sandals.

Announcer: Imagination fails, falls lifeless at the feet of these 144 Karnak columns.

Announcer: Faith lingers here, like a myriad of trees. And each pharaoh has written his name on a leaf.

Announcer: Thebes is the greatest word in any language.

Announcer: A thousands trumpet the name of Thebes and echo thy beauty.

Announcer: The pharaoh was like a tree who plunged his roots in Karnak. His soul tried to draw in its sap.

Announcer: The sulking of the heron, the lying on the crocodile, the training of a choir boy. These are all parts of the machinery of Karnak.

Announcer: Caesar held a closed fist all over the Mediterranean. And he opened it only to give a last caress to the land of Egypt.

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Maybe it’s Catching

Rough Guide: The corniche has a superb vista of Elephantine Island, with feluccas gliding over the water, like quill pens across papyrus.

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Travel Advice

Beth: See, you can’t wait until you’re old to do this. It’s too hard.
Lauren: You should trek the world when you’re young…
Beth: …and cruise the world when you’re old.

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Gems from the Egyptian Museum

Yes, and in that order

Sign: On the walls [of the tomb] are representations and lists of the things which the dead man would be likely to need: bread, beer, poultry, meat, etc.

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It’s not what you think

Sign: The center block depicts the Prince of Punt and his wife, the latter obviously suffering from elephantitis. On the left is the princess’s ass, above which is inscribed, ‘The ass which carries his wife.’

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Is there an English speaker in the house?

Sign in English: The scene depicts workers being employed.
Below, in French (translation): The scene depicts workers doing their jobs.

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Why They Love Us Here

Egyptian Storeowner #1: Americans, they are good shoppers. Canadians, they buy nothing.

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Egyptian Storeowner #2: You spend your money here.

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We Need a Higher SPF

African: You look like J-Lo.

Several Egyptians: You Spanish? Espanol?

Another Egyptian: You Japanese?

Yet another Egyptian: You look like an Egyptian, you walk like an Egyptian…

And another: You look very pretty, like a new penny.

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EGYPTIAN TOASTS

To Cosmopolitan in Africa/To dining on the Nile/To Qatar Airways/To splurges at four-star hotels/To screwing four-star hotels